Saturday, September 23, 2017

Double Check Prior to Outrage

I watch posts on FB designed to incite anger.  They cover extremes of left and right political jingoism.  I just saw one claiming Megyn Kelly banned Trump from her show.  The article said nothing of the sort, and she just recently said she would not deny a sitting president's request to be on her show.  Ellen said she would deny Trump because...every tired litany of false or half false characterizations.  And I don't like the guy.  I just have no need or desire to experience that cheap thrill of piling on for no reason.

But all the racist stuff is pretty lame and many things have been highly twisted to the point of total fabrication.  The lies have been repeated like a mantra over and over.  It has been effective.  That does not make it right. That does not make those who piled on out of desperate need for peer acceptance anything remotely associated with courageous or principled.

So, I knew the headline was false.  I read the article which did not mention Trump.  The comments reflected knee-jerk outrage.  That glee that comes when you feel it OK to be as hostile as you like at someone you don't know.

They let loose on Megyn like crazy.  Obviously they did not even read the article.  And they never double checked the headline claim.  It would have been a downer to them if they knew there was no reason for outrage.  It is the thing that brings right and left together, that love of self righteous nitwittery, self righteous anger.  The more remote the subject of their ire, the better.  But we can take it out on everyone in our path right here.

Health and Wealth Divide

Even now I have little idea of what the Affordable Care Act is supposed to do, or how it works.  What I do know is that some reap the benefits and others are nearly bankrupt due to the mandate.

That is what seems to not be addressed.   They talk about repeal but they do not adequately explain why.  They talk replace but with what is as vague as the description of the act before they finagled to get Obamacare passed.  "We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what's in it--away from the fog of the controversy", was the famous viewpoint of the never out of a fog, Rep. Pelosi, grand dame of demagoguery and pandermonium (should be a word).

The ultra crowd even tired to pretend that out of context versions of that quote were changing the meaning, intent, etc.  No, I do not think so.  Did you ever hear a straight truthful answer regarding exactly what was this bill?  Did you ever try to find it and read it?

Remember flow charts?  It amounts to flow charts in the Rube Goldberg tradition of complexity.  Oddly, item after item was ultimately left to the judgement of appointed administrators deep in the bowels of the bureaucracy.

I think bills like that are mostly vehicles for paying back the big guns who keep you in office.  It is like a tractor trailer load of pork.  You can put any thing in.  The more complicated and convoluted the bill, the more opportunity for measures that benefit some companies and screw others, benefit some people while screwing others.

I know that under current conditions you are better off being fairly poor.  But not quite poverty level. They take away your choices if you have too little money.  If you have just a little bit, at least in CA., you can pay a little and gain all kinds of choice healthcare-wise.  If you earn too little, they won't even let you pay that $125 and have some choice.   If you have a rare disease of any seriousness, you'll likely die.  The free and mandatory care goes the way of the hmo.  And that is not the best way to go sometimes.   I despise HMOs.  An awful plan.

Anyway, how can I be scared or happy about possible republican obamacare antics?  I have little idea of the reality.  I know the usual meme factories regularly show maps and graphs of the disaster that will occur if the republicans get their way.  I am not happy when either side refuses to just define their damn bill.  They go off on "what this will do...", "what this will mean to working families (or whatever)...".  Basically opinions and hyperbole.  What IS the bill?  What does it say?  And why does it, like all bills begin with its alleged purpose followed by, "...and other purposes."   Really?  We actually allow this?  My bill to "save the children, and other purposes" also includes a section making paying me a fee every time you use a crosswalk mandatory, or we take your property.

Unbelievable.  The deal is, there are people and small businesses that cannot afford the affordable care act.  They duped those who don't feel the crunch.  I probably benefitted.  Not sure.  No question that tax money subsidized me greatly.  Even so, actual costs over time are probably less than I paid in, even with a chronic mutant disease.  But if I had been showing much more income, I may not have been able to afford the test that determined the gene mutation.

There are people in dire need of expensive treatment or medication who are broke, mostly due to their health, and convinced they will be without the medicine or treatment they need.  Some involves pain, so the stress can panic them.  I do not know and this time I haven't bothered to check it out.  Which cronies get the spoils this time?

I notice that medicare pulls all kinds of nonsense tricks on people in an effort to save money.  They can be good, and they can be asinine.

Anyway, without absolute specifics, and specifics I find right, I can't say I support the ACA, or its repeal.  I don't even know much about the mess we've got, and I know less about the mess they are proposing.  I suppose my disdain of the smarmy portion of the democratic party could cause me to react on a my-team-is-better knee jerk tribal response.  But I am rather bothered by republicans too.  I guess they weren't running the show in my school days, and dems were.  And I still object to progressive income taxes.  Besides being ridiculous, they opened the door to the complicated tax code that gives insiders a pass.   Stuff you have to know in order to be rich for more than a minute.

Anyway, it is almost as if the setup is to either screw much of the middle class, or to absolutely pull the rug out from under poor people, old or not.  Sick people.  If you are poor but healthy, you can probably change your conditions if you choose.  If you are poor and sick,  you are doomed. It is life, and life is cruel sometimes.  Really life is life.  And that's it.  Trace all the cause and effect, anything can happen.  Reasons can be complex and maybe that butterfly ripple in the air was the trigger.

Repeal the mandate.  Some think it risky.  I think if the companies see you are not forced to buy, they may quit with those outrageous deductibles and premiums.  I have heard of many people who pay far more than my care has cost, per person in their families.   Totally nuts.  That is gouging.

I think I may be in just the right spot--for the despised state's purposes.  Just poor enough to have no power and be somewhat dependent--medicare.  But not so poor that they can't badger me and suck some blood now and then.

I don't even know any more.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Reminiscent of Rosie. yay

Reason number whoknowswhat why I avoid watching too much news.  I'll read some, but not too much of that, either.

The biggest annoyance to me re Pres. Trump has always been his pettiness in public feuds or disagreements.  I remember when he and Rosie O'D were publicly feuding.  It garnered each of them attention, and it gave me the creeps.  Both of them gave me the creeps.  Each had to respond to the other with a lower, more meaningless cheap shot.  Zero class, all around.  That's the irony of Alec Baldwin's impersonation of Trump on SNL, he is basically playing himself, classless, base, petty, and annoying.

But, yay, the Donald brought the hobby of public insult to the presidency.  That's got to work well.   I do not disagree that Kim is a deranged despot.   But is a public feud on the same level as the Rosie feud really constructive?   I doubt it.

Much of what he said to the UN was fine with me.  It is a phony institution.  A mockery of reality and truth.  He was right to call them out for having terrorist states on their Human Rights council--or whatever it is called.

The United Nations is one the world's foremost money laundering operations.  The corruption is fairly transparent.   It's a joke but someone is profiting.   Powers that be and the largest of monied interests know no national boundaries or loyalties.  The UN is a useful tool.

Despite the dubious gravitas of the UN, I see no benefit in calling out psycho dictators and taunting them like an obnoxious child with name calling.   If the people of N.Korea don't want the system they have, they could change it. Maybe they are unaware, or the army is trouble.  Why don't they revolt?  Maybe too weak and hungry.

I also disapprove of presidents engaging on a personal smear war with networks they chastise by name.  I know they are all over him with anything they can dream up, and that there are different standards depending upon what serves their purpose, but the whole cnn war and all that is not needed.  Let others do that.

When you are president the personal nonsense is not needed.  It is bad for the office.  Obama did it with Fox and with getting in the middle of incidents without knowing the facts.  He weighed in before investigations were conducted, and often in defiance of actual facts.  Trayvon case was one such, so was the thing about a professor being questioned by a cop while drunk, breaking in to his own house.  Obama was wrong.  But he at least did not have Rosie wars.  Not to say he was opposed to ridicule as a tactic.  He wasn't.

I think they all have gone to the dark side, the Alinsky school of public discourse.  Ridicule, play the mindless bandwagon mentality of people, and repeat the lie you want believed over and over and over, despite any contrary evidence.

So, in short I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the UN charlatans taken aback, and called out for being hypocrites.   But, the easy personal attacks on N. Korea's boy wonder were stupid and beside the point.  And that just added to the mindless press reaction.   As much as I despise the standard news outfit slant, and their reactions and reporting, I get a little angry at people who self lampoon in a way sure to kill any credibility a legitimate viewpoint would have.  Plays right into the totalitarian loving left's hands. Referring to the president's compulsion to create controversy over nothing, and to walk into obvious little pr traps boldly laid out in broad daylight by his alleged enemies.

I have yet to figure out why they are so enamored with an all powerful, all knowing state having total power over our lives.  There is a limit, I would think.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Another Lie

"Misery loves company".
If it were true, my house would be loaded with people.  It is not.

Another one I wonder about lately.   Not exactly a lie, I guess, but a worry nonetheless.
I think I have had it with being a fake musician.  I'm not a real musician, and neither are most people you see out performing, mostly for nothing.

I am tired of it.  Hopefully I will get tired of feeling how I feel.  Every time I see anything, I think of how I missed the whole boat; never lived.  I thought I could blame drinking, many years ago.  But I quit, and I only became more useless.

It is not hard to see how it all happened, if you are me.  It has taken years to see the enormity of the farce which was my introduction and time on this planet.  It brings anxiety, anger, fear, madness, sense of no worth.  Hopelessness.

Now, even the unstable, neurotic, and lost can spot truths and lies outside of themselves.   And they are abundant.  Those lies are the ones designed to keep people in manageable herds, voting blocs. Also much appears to be devoted to promoting fear.  It matters not what the fear is, just promote it.  Fear of playgrounds, peanuts, meteors, weather, weather events, weather in a hundred years, opposing views, fear of being perceived as questioning "settled science" or "privilege", and much much more.

There are some implied lies which have been used to promote that which was almost non-extent prior to the PR effort.  Charlottesville is a prime example.   Groups with little or no support came in from other areas to make a scene, knowing the governor and mayor would help it explode into a big advertisement for the aberrant.

Supposed white nationalists or supremacists make a big march with tiki torches.   They had a permit. Then other groups get bussed in and they wear bandanas and help seek violence, in the name of protesting fascism.  Neither group would have made a ripple had not the mayor and police, with a complicit governor ensured that violent confrontation would occur.

They have lied portraying white racism as rampant and the biggest racial problem going.  White racism is minimal compared to Black or Hispanic racism.   May or may not account for crime statistics of present day this race on that race crime.  May only be a piece of the story.  But keep lying about it, keep attacking non racists as racists, and you'll get the violence and hatred you seek.

The bussed in antifa and blm phonies were not just peaceful people protesting nazis and white racists.  They were their allies, in reality.  Each needs the other in order to instill fear in their demographics, helping to recruit new morons into the world of self-rightoeous anger, violence, bliss, and usefulness to political criminals.    Both groups were what might be called astroturf.   Both had mostly out of town members.  Both knew that they were escalating the show.  Both just taunting, looking for violent confrontation.  Both looking for the camera.

And America played into it.  You have those who never pass up a good racial incident even when it isn't racial, and you have whatever the hell it is that these neo nazi, kkk types are.  I guarantee you this attention has bolstered their support.  You have just militarized more idiots of every ilk.  The new wave of hate whites for being white, and do it self righteously, has become seriously hateful.  They justify it because of the tiny piece of the population who actually support that neo-nazi routine has been shown under a magnifying glass so it looks like a huge force.  It is not.

We are back to a world in which too many people think of nothing but race 24/7.  And, like the Cracker Barrel girl, they think everyone is as racist and race obsessed as they are.  That is not at all the norm with most people.  Especially with most white people.  But throw in white liberal democrats, and they pretend to be fighting for every legal, perceived, or invented minority, claiming their own race is the evil devil.  I say, shoot yourself for your crimes then.

But noooo.  They won't shoot themselves.  They somehow find this routine helps them gain power of some kind.  Political in some cases.  They think so little of others, purely based on race, that they feel they have to be the saviors and disavow their dna similar white devil relatives.  Puke.

What really kills a lot of these people is that their insistence that all blacks must think alike or else they aren't really Black, and similar nonsense for other groups does not hold up.  More and more people are refusing to bend to petty peer pressure.  Not all Blacks or Africans, or even Russians think the same.  You cannot be outraged at stereotypes while simultaneously insisting everyone of a particular race or ethnicity think alike or else they are traitors.

Another off the wall lie, is the one they promote in order to paint ghetto crime culture as African-American culture.  It is not.  It is redneck style crime culture.  Black white or indifferent, redneck behavior knows no racial divide.  Surprising but true.  Not talking funny trailer rednecks skiing behind lawn mowers and such.

People will go into privilege and selected history.   It is troubling, for sure, every time a group gains power over or possession of, a territory of some kind.   Imagine the heartbreak of indigenous peoples of Mexico when the Aztecs started conquering, enslaving, sacrificing--cutting out the still beating heart-of your tribe.  Bastards.   Then they got theirs.  The upshot?  La Raza.  The Mexican race, Aztec and Spaniard.  Oops.  But it has been celebrated for a century or more.    So, before they take California, how about we just go all the way back through everyone's history and undo it all.

I am convinced people are enamored with self righteous anger.  Really just anger without consequence.  They invent stuff to fuel anger, ignore mitigating factors and off they go.  Maybe they'll break windows, harass and stop traffic,  throw paint, rocks, whatever.  But if they can claim a holy cause, and label you racist, misogynist, homophobe, etc.-phobe,  they will pretend that their violence is pure self defense.   Even though they initiated it.

The more squeamish settle for being outraged and offended.   Then we just have the big pretense in the press.  People claiming harm when no violence has occurred.  Someone did not say something as prescribed and now we need an apology.  It is all fake.  Most of the time, no one was truly outraged, and the perp is not even sorry for the substance of the statement, only that a mob of idiots jumped him for it.  Lots of times it is one who would normally be in the mob who got caught by surprise in the game of apology tag.

We had talk of the age of Aquarius.  This is the age of self righteous idiocy.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Arguing (and agreeing) With Nietzsche

Friedrich N is one of those guys whom people quote.  There is a bushel of oft quoted people.  I often find it annoying, truth be told.  The one that really gets me is, "Someone once said...".  No kidding.
Someone once said, "I like to go to the store."

Geez, someone once said almost anything.  That someone could have been me.  I could say, "Nietzsche wasn't entirely correct in his assessment of human behavior", then hide behind the "Someone once said" motif.  Takes the heat off me, and I can pretend to be as mad at "someone" as you are, should you not like what I/they said.  So watch out for paths of the socio or psycho variety when it comes to the "someone said" game.  It may all be a trick.

The thing about Fred is he is quoted as saying "Man is the cruelest animal".  Of course there are pure dumbasses in positions of academic power and authority, today, who probably bristle at the word "man" being used in the universal human experience sense.  Or they would say even the Nietz knew how awful men are.  Seriously the fake attempts to level all of life's challenges and opportunities has devolved for many years into a form of dadaism.

So screw it.  I will address the quote as written.  I will probably not split things up by gender, race, perceived sex or race, or any possible variation of condition of birth, real or imagined.

My thought was, maybe that is true.  But cats of all types can be pretty rough on squirrels, birds, mice and the like.   The game of cat and mouse can often go on for awhile.  The cat bats the prey around, then makes it think there may be hope, then bats it some more.  They keep doing that, giving the prey hope, then violently mocking them for it.

But humans have done some brutal stuff no question.   The trouble is, man is the kindest animal as well.  That statement is equally true.   Although I doubt any species has more members who hate themselves and others of their kind the way many humans do.   It is very hip in many circles.
I would say a certain ilk of white liberal takes the cake on glorifying hatred of humanity.  In a totally self righteous, somewhat removed way.  As if they too aren't human white devils.

But still, humans are absolutely the kindest creatures on earth.  You can find tons of aberrant humans who are in no way kind.  That does not change the fact that no other animals include so many individuals who step up to rescue their fellows in time of need.  It is a shame that both extremes are in our potential.

It's always hipper to take the cynical view, "we're the cruelest bastards of all life forms ever!", rather than the optimistic one.  When you see events like the NYC boat lift of 9/11/2001, it is clear no other creature would find such numbers of people risking, giving, doing everything to save other humans.

So, I agree that man is cruelest, but I submit that (universal) he is also the kindest.  And the most academically confused.  See the saga of what's his/her name Manning and Harvard.

Fads and nonsense rule much.  Peer acceptance is behind at least 83.5% of all people in demonstrations, marches and other activities in which mobs pretend to be serious aBout some issue, or non-issue.  They won't admit it of course.  Following the groups helps them be considered smart. Parroting talking points and propaganda wins tons of points.

Humans are the most self destructive creatures around, as far as I know.  Of course, not all are.  Just enough to rouse the rabble.   And oh, does the rabble love rousing.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Comment Reply Won't Work, Misconceiving Slow Boat

In the comment on the post below, Slow somebody, lives up to the name.

I never said anyone had to be sexy to have value.  Something Joy said or did on whatever clip I saw elicited that unfiltered response.  I don't like any of the people in the post, and find them somewhat repulsive, hence not sexy.  Then again there are those who immediately strike me as sexy at a given moment.
You are looking for divides.  The constant filter of everything by race or other involuntary condition is shallow and does not help modern civilization.  It used to be that tribal attitudes protected the community.  Now they divide it.

Race is neither virtue nor fault.  But people do not believe that.  They have behaved like race was a virtue or fault throughout history.  Competing tribes, cultures, races.  All wanting to raid and pillage and get your stuff.

There are people so warped and looking for anger that they believe the whole natural system of human reproduction is repressive and misogynistic.

Self righteous anger is so good because you can suspend reason, substituting indignation, you can suspend listening or reading well enough to actually understand what's there, you can suspend any reasonable respect.   It is truly the coward's, and the bully's, way out.

I expect people to become mentally slower, en masse, before a significant backlash occurs.  What is depressing is that it won't just calmly drift toward a peaceful, respectful equilibrium.

Even so, it is maddening when some pit-bull-at-large searching for an angry cause and someone to jump on, reads all the koolaid points into material where it doesn't really apply.  Find an enemy at all costs.  Anyone who is not taken in by identity merchants.   You realize that what they are ultimately selling is violence?   That they help create it?

Slow acted as if he/she/it knows me.  Reading in everything they show you how to do at useful idiot school, whether it is actually there or not.

It is no use, I know.  People are just smart enough to convolute logic, but not to spot half facts and truths.  Not smart enough to see their biggest enemies.

And it is easy to find misandrist remarks out of Joy, almost nonstop.

I'm going to stop short of what declarative sentence is on my mind.

Really. You are pretty much all wet on this one, Slow.
I am talking current , last several decades, violent crime statistics.   And I am sure you skewed the context.  That is the trap when you want to measure all by race or other things you had nothing to do with manifesting.   Some things work for your goals or team, and some don't.   But those are facts.

It hurts people to pretend rather than change things.  When I can walk through Liberty City, fairly sure I'll survive rather than being attacked for not looking right, I'll begin to think that people finally get it.

Tell that to my friend in Miami who was raped, walking out of Jackson Memorial Hosp. from her job, by approximately 11 Black men, left for dead.  She just has no use of her right arm, and only partial use of her right leg.   It doesn't make it better or worse, but that is what happened.

So, your eagerness for a race competition on who is horrible can bring up ugly incidents on all sides.  A fool's game if you ever want harmony.  I won't mention two more incidents involving dismemberment and worse.  Because that is not, and never was the point.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Weirdly, A New York Thing, I Guess

Seriously, to me, Joy Behar is one of the least sexy women ever.  But so is Rosie.   Now, I do think President Trump is a horrendous mess, no doubt for different reasons than people like Alec Baldwin.  Another who has that petty New Yorker thing going.  It is just one sub-culture amid the larger NY fabric, so we can't say all are cheap shot, petty bickerers.  

I admit, I can't listen to any of them for more than a minute, if that.  I actually like Trump better than the other three although I am usually angry with how he feeds the uber statists while pretending not to.

He's the least of the people I blame for the Charlottesville fiasco.  He did not ask the police to stand down.  He was right the first time when he called out all sides involved in that propaganda ploy, and PR coup,  as violent and wrong.  They were.

What has happened in this clever manipulation and massive assault is that a teeny spec of a group has been given a huge boost, and made to look far more numerous and powerful than they are.   By doing this, these neo bolshevik types and ISIS and Crips look-a-likes can play victim, yell racism, collect their pay for participating in this community activity, and hop on the bus back home.

You have idiots in both the really stupid groups who actually believe this nonsense, having no idea they are being used and duped.

I wish I liked what democrats do, but I do not.  I am used to no alternative, but that doesn't stop me from observing and making note of the lies and embellishments being pumped out like raw sewage in the Baja.

By making it look like white nationalists, nazis, etc, are powerful and big, then they can tie it to Trump because the white power bunch has turned on their own, and they don't like democrats either.

He should have had sense enough to say that he refused to be used to promote idiots, and racist tribalists. and identity bigots.  Kind of redundant there.  The fanatics have repeated certain mantras so much that they really believe it.  So, they basically accuse Trump of riding through the night in hooded robes burning crosses.  It is nonsense. He is not a nazi.

Some of the extreme left goes so far as to say anyone who voted for Trump/and/or who is not on the blind bashing bandwagon is therefore a climate denier, racist, etc., and therefore a threat to humanity, therefore should be jailed or executed.   It is nuts.

Like the immigration thing.  He does away with a presidential thing that is not a well defined law.  It is not permanent.  But he defers doing anything about it for six months, with no real indication what happens then.  I would expect very little change in the real policing of the people at issue.  They must sleep well.  RIM sleep.  Dreamers.  Lucky ducks.  Insomnia, guilt, worry, angst and emotional turmoil aren't what they're cracked up to be.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

All Temporary

After Hurricane Andrew, way back then, I remember thinking how temporary things in life are.
More people are affected in Houston and area than were by Andrew.  Plus this flooding is another world.   Seems to be the trend in Gulf cities.  Time to cut it out.  No more floods.

The clever mayor told everyone not to leave.  Until it was too late.  You'd think they would have info on where the low lying areas are. Plus cities, airports, anyone like that is supposed to have plans in place and go through mock exercises modeling various emergency situations.   He acted like he was concerned about traffic.  If you have a plan, it should work.

So, lots of people were just trusting their local officials not to be dimwits, too lazy to talk to the weather professionals, civil engineers, etc. before pronouncing the best thing for people to do.

It is hard when hurricanes are coming.  The local press and everyone emotional cripple looking for an excuse to freak out over states the case with every hint of a storm.  It is the principle illustrated by the fable, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf".  "Nobody believes a liar, even when he is telling the truth."  Aesop had it going on.

The result is people stuck in a mess.  This time the local authority advised hunkering down.  No one ever advises hunkering up, as far as I know.  Wonder why.

I do not know where you are free of possible cataclysmic events.  I'm thinking the trick is to pick your poison, but still try to land where the threat is mitigated somewhat.  Do you hate fire more than floods and tornadoes?  Do you worry about earthquakes?  Volcanoes?  Location, Baby.  See how it is?  One man's Worst Calamities, especially as listed here, may fall in a different order than his colleague's list.

Not much went wrong in Greensboro, except occasional ice storms taking down powerlines so no power.  They would put it back the way it was and act as surprised as they could when it happened again.  It was crazy. Probably still is.  But no big fire scare, rarely any hurricane influence, not many tornadoes.  But it is not the same town.  Last time I was there, it seemed kind of hostile and ugly.  Not completely, but moreso than back when.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Yay, September is Blood Cancer Awareness Month

I have been improving over the last year, but not always.  My energy level peaked when I was in Texas, but began to wane, even before I left.  Still it is better overall.  Mentally, and I suppose emotionally, I am a mess.  Who cares, you can change your own mind easier than physical malfunctions.

The MPN people sent out an email discussing the reasons why re awareness, I guess.  People always talk about awareness related to this that or the other.  I generally scoff and become annoyed. Great, I am aware that wars are rarely what they appear to be.  That sure helps. Not

BTW, MPN means myeloproliferative neoplasms = bone marrow malfunction.  Got a mutation and blablabla.   ET is what they settled on for me after first thinking PV.   ET= essential thrombocythemia---more platelets than is good.  Way too many if unchecked.   PV polycythemia vera= over production of red blood cells.  Those are simplifications.  Lots of overlap and that sort of thing.  Biological stuff is like that.  Messy, with vaguely defined parameters and boundaries.

Here's the first part of what they sent.   I have no idea what friends and family think. It is not that relevant.  I am the one who generally refuses to believe I have any other problem than that I am a defective, weak minded person, and I imagined all this.

Deep down, I do not think I have a disease, I think I am just no good and can't manage to live a good life like most or some people.

Here's prt of the mpn outfit's message:
What does an "awareness" campaign have to do with PV, ET or MF?

Dear (My name, which I will pretend you do not know) 

In a few days, the  month will change to September, which is recognized nationally as Blood Cancer Awareness Month. While you are already aware of MPNs, or myeloproliferative neoplasms, there are many factors indirectly but adversely affecting people living with Polycythemia Vera, Essential Thrombocythemia and Myelofibrosis. A few we hear from patients frequently are
  • Friends or family not believing they are "really" sick or have cancer
  • Insurance or disability denying coverage or a claim
  • Problems getting medication, either because it is too expensive, their deductible is too high, or the medication is not approved for MPN
  • No suitable clinical trials for their diagnosis of PV or ET
  • No way to prevent progression
  • (Since I am doing well on the cheapest, easiest pill, Hydrea, I have had no coverage issues.  I have not sought any sort of disability or any of that.  Not disabled. Especially now.  Far worse 2 or 3 years ago.  Medicare and others play a game. If you let them they will screw you.  It is how they max profits/cut costs/meet budget.  Certain things they flag automatically  hoping you are too sick to argue, then you die--problem solved>  And therein lies the biggest question over single payer---will they actually be more dogmatic and arbitrary, leaving you less recourse than you have now?  I said it was a question. I don't know. Sometimes, I don't care)

Here we are playing heart of Georgetown, TX.  We drew and held a crowd.  I am on far right. The fiddle and I were getting used to one another.  He is stellar.

They go on:
These are problems being addressed by the MPN Research Foundation and other advocacy groups 12 months of the year through education, research funding, and advocacy. Although a month of awareness won't resolve the issue completely, it is a good opportunity for us to work together toward improving the lives of people with PV, ET, and MF. Here are a few activities you can share with friends and family during September to spread awareness about MPNs:...

That's end of them and what follows is my point of view.  I left off their list of things.  Not making an MPN-centric twitter profile pic.  They actually have it, you just click here and there.  I do not do twitter. 

In that I am trying to lead by example.  It may take time before enough of the country follows that example.  Especially elected officials.   Twitter would improve if they banned politicians, 501c and any other blatant power vehicle.  I probably would still ignore it.

               In Texas in early August.  There is absolutely no way I could have done this 2 or 3 years ago.  Even a year ago, I think.  It would have resulted in a pruritus attack like you have no idea.  Unless, of course, you do.  Seriously, a big step.  Other factors, too, besides the intractable itch attacks.  No hives but feels like attack of hyper active ants running all over.  That day was energy peak for last year or more.  Now I wonder how all the big houses built up high on the banks fared with all the flooding.  This was closer to San Antonio, but rivers don't always care.

OK, I am not doing the social media and battery of links they have in their message to me.   If anyone cared to look it up they can go to or other place.  

The Houston flooding will influence some of the ongoing research and upcoming stem cell transplants.  
I think Houston has a nit wit mayor, like New Orleans when Katrina hit.  Maybe not as bad as that, but still a nit wit.  The governor of Texas seems competent in this scenario.  Plus the people of Houston are less dimwitted overall than New Orleans people were.  Like it or not, they were dumb as rocks.   People try to blame Bush, but the governor and mayor involved with Katrina were absolutely incompetent, negligent, and too stupid to know they were worthless.  Remember footage of even the cops looting?

Oh well.   This really sucks.  I can only hope that Spike Lee doesn't get involved and try to make another natural disaster into a racial issue.  Those people ought to have enough money by now, so playing on hate and fear and lies should be a thing of the past for them.  Give it up race fanatics.  You are dumber than you think.

OK.  Sande, the lady in whose band I play, won the Western Country Music Assoc. entertainer and vocalist of the year, in her age category and for female.  Genre was called "new country".  Despite all the categorization it is a big win.  She goes to Nashville vicinity for nationals in March.  I guess that is probably a solo adventure, as was this round.  No telling, I may be in Texas by then.  Hard to say.

I'd just like to go see what those people think of what I do.  So, if I had a chance to go, and maybe back her on a show or even open mic at the Bluebird, I'd like to try it. I think I taught her everything that scored her these awards. Two trophies, vocalist and entertainer. 

I bet hematologists and oncologists just made up the whole mpn deal.  They didn't used to know what it was.  I guess the test for chromosomal mutation is their tangible proof.  It is bogus.  Or could be.  Easily.  Something that people can live with for years.  Somewhat active years.  So, my guess is that it is a designer disease.

That's OK. Pretty sure blunt force trauma, resulting from something stupid I may do, is much more likely to do me in than this nonsense.  

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Not Everyone Has Heard This Story---kkk back east over thirty years ago.

So, I was heading toward my big slam into the earth, nose diving in life.  Drinking days.  And I was playing harmonica for Marvin's Rockabillys.  Exceporot he stuck letters on his vintage Les Paul misspelling his name.  The klittle raised aluminum mailbox letters spelled out, "Mavrin's Rockabillys".

I did not say anything for a couple of months, if I recall correctly.  When I did, it broke my heart because he never noticed.  I ruined his bliss by compromising his ignorance of that spelling fact.  It is not always noble to enlighten the ignorant if there's no need.  That's my new stance on that issue.

One time we had a gig at the Men's Gun Club of Whitset (NC).  It was this sort of clubhouse, dance hall out in the sticks.  Outside of Greensboro, Burlington, outside of everywhere.   I thought people were just ribbing me when they said they thought it was a klan place.

It was unimaginable to me that people would still be that nuts.   They were, and I guess a few still are.

The stage had a big wooden cross on the wall behind the stage.   Red lightbulbs, maybe 40 watters, running vertically and horizontally to spice up the cross.  On one side stretched the American flag.  On the other, the stars and bars of the Confederacy.

What a bizarre gig. I think Mavrin may have been one of them.  It was a great dance.   All the underage klan girls were trying to use me to get caught right there with their pants down.  To keep one of them pacified, I had to set a time and place.  And I did, in another town, and I never showed up.

No one said or did anything racist, but I am pretty sure they would have been problematic if any black musicians sat in or danced with their aggressive, under-age daughters.  Girls like that are either hard core rebelling, or a bit too close to kin.   Precocious in an idiot savant sort of way.
I was so much wanting Greensboro to be perfect, or at least not mean and backward.  I was naive.  And nuts.  Still am.

Sometimes I Think, "I can't do it anymore. Can't live like this, but how to change it?"

That's what I sometimes think.  And what I pretty much all the time think is that this is not going to end well, but it probably will end before too long.   Has too.  No one can go indefinitely like this.

But I have to avoid fatality until everything is clean tidy, organized, and I am sure I will not be one of those pain the neck dead people who left a mess which the state loves making worse.  The state loves to punish the living.  The harder their lives, the sadder the are, the more the State loves turning screws.

Sadistic bastards wherever you go.  But you can be sure, the highest concentration of dedicated sadists outside drug cartels and inner city gangs is government.  I would say that, on sheer volume, government wins the most total number of sadists in one general organization or occupation.

That is why, in local elections, if the brief bio of a candidate indicates, he/she/it/q was a prosecutor I will never give them my vote.  Prison guard, forget it.  I am highly suspicious of even public school teachers who want to be obn city council or otherwise interfere in the lives of others.  I am not one of those who "applauds our teachers for their sacrifice", or who automatically thinks military people or police are wonderful.

I dabbled in military for a bit and I did not find that it made everyone wonderful.  I would gleefully attack those who show no respect for what many in military service go through or have done.  So, there that is.  I have friends who were marines.  And other.   I had a friend who was a cop for awhile but didn't fit too well.  I still dislike that general "calling".  Really screwy laws and if you accidentally show up in wrong place at wrong time, you can be the victim of their gleeful idiocy without deserving it.   They do deal with thousands who ought to be beaten and abused.  Trouble is, those people usually get a pass and the bullying is saved for the less deserving of it.

This who Trump mania stuff has become scary.  People make it up a lot of the time.  They are unapologetic about false quotes, saying, "He is so bad, he could have said it, so it doesn't matter---Trump bad, let's throw piss on people!!!" yay

Granted, I think he is not my idea of anything I want in my life or country, however I still say he's better than Ted Kennedy.   And he is legally president.  I do not approve of the insane resistance that attacks not what he does or doesn't do, but simply piles on with cheap shot ridicule at him and his family.  And those behind the millions of snarky memes circulated daily are not the friends of a free society.  People are being used by them.  It is more power play stuff in the works.

People seriously believe Trump is out to raid their social security.  Nonsense.  Won't happen.  Watch the damned democratic party.  They are thieving, lying, trouble.   They are not your answer.  YOu don';t have to go to the dark side just because you don't like Trump.  And I really don't much like Trump.  And the republican party is clearly not really the answer if you find the Pelosi/Schumer, et al power machine to be disgusting, shady crooked nastiness, which I do.

I find the backlash to Trump to be far more dangerous than he is.   It's like comedic automatons, "Yea, I bet that crocodile would choke on Trump, hahaha."  "Yea, if only the eclips meant Trump would melt in the sun, hahaha"... and on.  IT is insane the stupid stuff like that which people spout from nowhere---looking for peer acceptance.  A little you go girl (hate, hate , hate that phrase) or an attaboy.  They deny it, but peer pressure drives most Alinskyesque, ridicule based propaganda efforts.

Anyway, I don't care, except my youngest relatives will likely live if the koolaid addled world of the future, believing all the nonsense, until it implodes, if it ever does.

As for me, give me liberty or give me death, or both.  But only after the house is cleaned up.


Monday, August 21, 2017

We Need A New De-Tox Program

It has been going on all my life, and much longer; the cult of personality myth.   For example, many Cubans used to say, "But for one man, Fidel Castro, Cuba would be free!!!"  And others said stuff like that about Hitler, "One man did all this.." blablabla.

That is all inaccurate.  Without Kennedy and a a host of other officials there would be no Fidel.   Ike, you name it.  Without a cooperative army of greedy bastards there would have been no communist Cuba.  It was not Fidel's disdain of capitalism, but his unabridged greed that set Cuba on its path.  You think he wanted to be saddled with rule of law, a constitution?   No, not likely.

People get all focussed on one figure to deify or hate, as the solution to all or the cause of all evil.  It indemnifies them from just handling their own lives, admitting their fears or shortcomings.  It is great for those who like to arrange power plays and the destination of your money is secret deals.  The perpetual distraction.  No one wants truth, they just want the face in front of them that they are told to hate.

The Trump fanaticism has gone off the charts.  I am not a fan of his, but truth is truth, and I still think the democratic party is a jackboot outfit.  Republicans are clearly not a good alternative.  They are like the comical relief.  It is a game.

Anyway, the Trump hysteria and bashing has gone so far it has lost all meaning.  Those in the fray resent it like crazy when I say it is peer approval driven to a large degree.  But it is.  I saw a thing on FaceBook that discussed the sun, the eclipse and blindness.   Someone commented with the question of I wonder how many will end up blinded.  Right on cue we get a typical anti-Trump reply:  "I hope Trump looks at it without any filter."

Really?  WTF?  We're talking eclipse.  Chances are, if you post on social media, sharing the fact that you ran over a bunny rabbit, you'll get a reply from someone who bemoans the fact that you did not run over the president.

It is so absurdly stupid and contrived.  But they get the attaboy or you go girl BS from the "resistance" as if they actually expressed a real thought.

I do believe it has gone to the point of a real sickness.   Many were big on Obama cheap shots, but nothing to this extent.  Not even close.  The NY Times has op eds that have gone into such convoluted comparisons, and analyses of Trump's thoughts, and possible motivations and what ifs< treating them as fact, that I am surprised even those editors wouldn't be embarrassed.   Instead, they double down.

Say it enough and maybe it will be so.  Over and over they claim that Trump defends the kkk and nazis.  Never happened. What did happen is a governor and mayor facilitated a violent confrontation. Trump blamed all the thuggish outfits instead of just the idiotic tiki torch brigade.   Also, many were upset about the monument controversy but not supporting kkk or white supremacists.  Nuance and truth is lost on social media.  Current logic rules include emotional triggers and feeling offended.  Can't actually reason with that because you'll be told your privilege is showing.

I got yer privilege right here, biotch!

 I guess the Donald could have been stupid enough to defend racists groups (but he didn't); anyone dumb enough to engage in a public feud with that classless crude creep, Rosie, is pretty dumb.  Especially because he was just as creepily classless in the back and forth as was she.  Topping or equalling Rosie in the realm of crass, disgusting northeastern culture low life banter is an accomplishment.   Two peas in a pod.

I can right now go on thousands of different FB pages and just say something irrelevant in comments bashing Trump and people will lol or otherwise jump on the Trump-bad-must-bash-blindly-like-zombie bandwagon.  And I can feel OK and accepted, one of the gang.  I belong, at last.

It is so over the top. And it is so much part of the news that whatever is really going on is getting under reported or hidden, if reported at all.

In the mean time we pretend antifa and blm are not hate groups and that Trump is Grand Wizard of the kkk.  And also whatever they call the head nazi.  I don't like TRump, but this stuff is nonsense.  I hate people who have to lie. Or institutions that do this sort of lie.  The old Alinsky ridicule routine.  That's what I hated about dade co public schools and the democratic party--same false narrative tactics, always.  They claim to stand for the "little guy", etc., but they are actually brutal to anyone who does not conform to their templates.  Always been like that.  The party that hates people while pretending to protect them.  Toxic.  And I only wish I knew what was what republican wise.  But they seem to get caught in weird myths and issues which I think should be outside government's purview.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Some Click Bait Makes Me Think Our Extinction Won't Be Due To Weather

It is getting pretty bad when one of the click bait things on the side of the facebook page says, "10 Celebs Who Suck In The Bedroom", or something close to it.  I refused to click.  Besides one mans trash is another's treasure.

How dumb and idiotic is a society where something like that will attract huge numbers of viewers/clickers.  I think they use the word "suck" here as more of an adjective than a verb.  Although, either way, how do the authors of this nonsense know?

Of course there is that optimistic side of me that wants to cheer and exclaim,  "Yay!!!  There are famous hotshot celebrities who are as bad in the bedroom as I am.  Yipee!!".   But what if it is all lies, and no one is as bad as I am?  Now that would suck.  Yet, the famous are the ones being publicly graded and subjected to these unpleasant assertions.  I fly under the radar.

Who told the meme machine who was so bad in bed?   If it was their partners, then I have to wonder if maybe it is the blabber mouths who suck.  How could the others be any good if their riffraff trash dishing partners are hopelessly incapable of rewarding intimacy?  

It is sad on so many levels.  Really bodes poorly for the species.   I can understand stupid wastes of time, but the stuff of this nature indicates people are so unhappy and feel like such failures that they want to feel better by trashing others.  People they don't even know.

How can the same species of creature invent and build and make use of air conditioning and also pedal such moronic tripe?  It boggles the mind.

Hidden Comments since 2016 Finally Appear

Just now I discovered that people have commented on some of these screams in vacuum which I put here.  It used to notify my email, but only sometimes. I never could understand that.  At the very least when I came to this site there would be an indication that comments were awaiting moderation.

I did that due to spammers who would paste a book of nonsense and evil code into a comment.  That way I could prevent it from appearing at all.  Also the impolite stalker lady from Memphis was getting rather nasty, years ago.

No indication of pending comments has been visible anywhere.  So I never went to moderation page. But today I see in email a notice that a comment has been submitted.  Some nonsense from either an illiterate or one whose first language is not English.  It was an irrelevant nonsense comment on something written years ago.

That is what brought me to the moderation page.  Crazy.

Not that there were very many comments.  But there were a few.

One suggested a little fear over Trumps foreign policy prospects.  This was probably right after the election.  No one I consider safe in that realm has achieved great political success.

To me, having Sessions in as AG causes me to worry more about domestic policy.  I tend to hate prosecutors.  And he is one of those who would go after things that are stupid to chase but which whittle away rights.  He strikes me as all wrong on marijuana laws and abortion or other things not legitimately under purview of the feds.  Some things are better at state or even down to the individual citizen to decide.

So, while Trump is criticized for criticizing his own attorney general, I am glad to see it, hoping his next one is less of a zealot.  Obama liked to pick partisan racists.   I would love to see an actually constitutionalist in that role.   But the actual law of the land is so inconvenient to the agenda of most law enforcement.  Bizarre.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Not a Good Idea

There are long stretches of time in which I only speak to those I can't avoid.  Coworkers and such.  I'll catch myself going into too much detail or misreading the comprehension of ideas, etc.  Then I'll feel foolish and shut up.

I look back and realize no one who is not mentally damaged in some way, either just naturally or from some event or something, would have such a disjointed and empty slate.  I am frozen and have been to some degree since age 4.  It just seems to have become stronger as I got older.  I welcome the thaw.  I long for the thaw.  I am scared to death of all of it.  Whatever that means.

I can keep saying it is not over, but it will be any minute so saying that is just another of the lies and tricks I use on myself.  How or why that works, I don't know.  I wish it weren't so hot some places or so full of hateful people or so cold or crowded.    One day I will leave here.  I tend to run from friends and associate with people who see the weakness and think they can have fun shredding me.  Only idiots have such issues, so I blame me more than them.

Decent people don't have to think about friends who kill them, figuratively, and all the other stuff riffraff does.  Some people don't have that thing where they feel like they live underwater in the muck.  

There is no visible reason for any of this.  There was some medical stuff but the symptoms are no longer so intense or debilitating.

Flying to TX for a few days.  Some gig outside Austin, maybe in Georgetown, on Aug. 4.   That will be a good break.  I am scared to even go, but the die is cast.

This, whatever it is, has been going on forever.  Anyone in my world would be sick of witnessing it or hearing about it..   Good thing I have so few people in my world.  But if there are people who will betray trust or see that tender place to pierce with the knife, I will find and welcome them.  And that is no good.

Monday, July 17, 2017

I Finally Distilled the Privilege Movement

You are reinforcing tribalism, insisting upon it, under the banner of vanquishing tribalism.   Privilege stems from that.  What you are calling privilege is always what the majority and/or powerful in all societies take for themselves.  As soon as any group gains the numbers they grant their own special privilege.

Some individuals have evolved past that, but most people have not.  I am talking all ethnicities.  Back in the day your white privilege did squat for you in Harlem.  And to this day, just go to the non-white areas of the city, or anywhere in Memphis, and tell me how that white privilege is working.

Mostly, it doesn't work outside your own territory.  But if you claim your territory is so vast that the sun doesn't set on it, chances are you are wielding your privilege thanks to your superior weapons and understanding of how they work.   When you privilege at gunpoint, it ruffles the feathers of the highly populous under class.  Bad thing to do and they end up with trouble for all.

Now they are creating fantasies about privilege.  Guilt, I think, for many, greed for others.   Pretty much trying to unprivilege at gunpoint and reason it from a hyper-tribal perspective.  And that's the problem; necessity to punish under assumption that this is a uniquely whit phenomenon and sickness.

Every dominate group has done that obnoxious form of discrimination in one form or another forever.  Sometimes it is a leave or die kind of deal.

If you want to blame everyone for their ancestors, no one is left innocent.  Maybe that rainforest group that they ruined just by exposing them to modern humanity, and a machete.

Everyone else is not innocent of whatever it is that is used to lament and bemoan and fabricate privilege.  A little current reality, a lot current fantasy.

The far left tell us that a society in which race and ethnicity are neither considered character virtues, nor sins, somehow doesn't work out.  And how dare you cook Mexican food if you aren't Mexican.  Or sell a Ferrari if you aren't Italian.  Something about hijacking cultures?  It is a different word buZzing about.  The privilege police would know.  

The entire Aztec nation was built on commandeering other tribes and their cultures.  It is where they got most of the cool engineering, and scientifically advanced aspects of their culture.  They were just thugs at the outset, like most.   If culture did not incorporate advances and practices developed by others, we would be more backward than we are.

The problem is that discrimination based on color and such had become very much the exception rather than the norm, and was trending toward even more nondiscriminatory.   People who profit from the abuse (Jesse, Al, et al) felt threatened.  The demagogues who keep in office by scaring groups, keeping them ignorant and in poverty, could not have been pleased.

So now they push segregation claiming pulling people out of a murderous, ignorant, destitute way of life is robbing them of their identity.  So, they convince them that their culture is that of the pimps, drug dealers, and violent criminals.  So, they dress like, talk like, act like gangstas. And they even have their own spelling.  This has nothing to do with an actual culture and is an insult but greed blinds people from seeing it.  The greed to be a victim and free of all bounds.  To a victim, any violence or larceny is just, self defense, survival, war.

If you want a just society, so be it.  But punishing or rewarding based upon condition of birth is as elitist and creepy as monarchy.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

The Not So Intelligentsia, but just enough

Before delving into the meat of the current matter, I will mention that I hid from view my post explaining that I am so lame that I let an absurdly critical, self-proclaimed friend, remove any joy or freedom I find in writing.  I used to enjoy it.

I am trying to once again.   Like I am buying that it is an act of friendship to offer such unsolicited views, and then rudely argue them.  All to help me reach my full potential.  No. That is purely insane and bizarre.

But the real deal is that there are so many charismatic people who possess the ability to speak fluently in a way that makes anything, even nonsense,  at least sound valid and profound.  But they are just short of how intelligent they seem to believe themselves to be.

No use arguing it though.  People are so in love with their conclusions that even smart people run a line of distorted facts in their greed to sell their point. Their greed for your acquiescence.

Most of the smartass political rhetoric out there is flawed, skewed and one sided.  People sucker for the either-or choices pushed on them.  Granted, there can be made the argument that these positions and parties snowballed from what people want and gravitated into two basic warring factions.

I believe that argument would be a case of a little truth being used to sell a lie.  People are wanters.  No argument there.

Civic action, mutual protection and common interests of communities are part of how humans survive.  Then it gets taken over by con men and apparent demons of some kind.  Perhaps mutants or a curse from extra terrestrials.

We do not even blink at friggin' family power dynasties in our government.  Does that set off no red flags?  Probably not.  That is because people can only think so many steps back in the cause-and-effect chain.  Often those things are mislabeled.  Try arguing that point with the belligerent.  No thanks.

People are becoming unreasonably unhinged but still following the track laid out by the meme and talking point factories of their choice.  A guy actually said you are more likely to get hit by a republican drunk driver than killed by gang members or terrorists.   Really?  That was in a back and forth about sanctuary cities and not liking party crashers does not mean you hate all Mexicans.  Stuff that only needs explaining because people are so greedy for power.

The next best thing if you can't have real power, is real anger.  Someone or thing to hate.   Because of that greed, people will ignore the ridiculous rhetoric and behavior as long as it supports the ultimate point.  The conclusion that feels good, that frees them to behave as violently as they want, because it is self defense.  They are fighting for their rights.

Just ask them.  Really, you don't need to because they are rather vocal and self serving.   For some reason, in order to refute a contrary point of view, they need to make up dire statistics and stories, circumventing plain logic and truth.   Sometimes the conclusion can be supported reasonably.   Sometimes not.

Smart enough to fight for a cause and enjoy the freedom of victimhood and anger, but not quite smart enough to actually dissect the issue they support/oppose to be sure it is right.  Plus if it is a bandwagon opportunity, most people jump on.  Makes them feel like they can pretend to think without going to any real effort.  They don't even realize it half the time, is what I think.

That is why it is useless, and even dangerous to push the argument with them.

Recently I skimmed an article bemoaning criticisms of higher education by "conservatives".  It went on to the extreme type of ignoramus who would claim, "If it good 'nuff fer ma daddy then it good nuff fer me".  They cut you off.  The article tries to make you think any criticism of their insane policies, all out propaganda assault on students and community, narrow mindedness, and heavy handedness toward the innocent, means you hate knowledge, are republican, and resist all manner of essential elements vital to the very survival of our species.

Sounds like the Dade County public schools of my youth.  The students that get crushed or fall through the cracks in this system.  It is kind of cruel.  And it isn't what you see promoted.  What is promoted is only vote pandering.  Much is nonsense.

The perpetual victim status of all these divisions which have nothing to do with whether you are worth a damn as a human or not, is now ensured to continue indefinitely as we immerse ourselves in the hatred and contemplation of "privilege".   You cannot have the privilege of which we speak without someone being victimized.  Almost everyone has the opportunity to be a victim.  No need to state the obvious, especially because you get labeled as something you are not if you do.  Got to be a universal oppressor somewhere...

And it is true in some ways.  What people refuse to do is to stick to the truth in their stories and examples, even when truth is there.  That extra bit of exaggeration, the little omission.        
See?  Smart enough to catch a understand a bit, but not stalwart enough to stick to truth and try to look back several steps to see what was going on up to now; to double check their story.

We don't have much info indicating humans were ever at peace.  But I hold that we really don't know.  They keep finding older evidence of the species.

But the ones who actually consider themselves "the masses" (ugly term) can actually be convinced that the African continent was in peaceful bliss, that the Aztecs were at one with nature and a big love  fest of a nation before europeans hit the shore.

I am not saying I am a fan of Inquisition period Spain or any of that.  But that does not justify lying about the rest of the world.   That is what made the philosophy espoused in the Declaration of Independence and embodied in our Constitution so important and cutting edge.   And yet people still look for kings and queens and lords and masters; "Camelot", my ass.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Movie Review

I live miles from everywhere.  Up here they do not run cable.  You can get satellite.  So internet connection methods are limited.  Anyway, I am among the unwashed who still use Redbox and watch DVDs on my laptop.

Which is why I rented this incredibly odd movie, "Viking Legacy".  The stole Seinfeld's "show about nothing" idea.  Maybe they took it too far.

The movie is about some scrolls and world peace and sex in the woods, but not really.  Wow, I just realized they should quote me there.  It makes the movie sound far more coherent and interesting than it is.   So many things made no sense.  Like why didn't the bad guys just shoot them with arrows through the thin wall of fire?  No need to elaborate on that.'

The acting did improve as we went along.  People on screen appeared genuinely relieved when their characters got knifed in the heart and what-have-you, welcoming death with unnatural zeal, if you ask me.

There you have it.  So bad, and weirdly paced that  I am almost tempted to recommend it.  Like as a time filler if you're laid up and bored but too doped up to care about plot and such.  

Do you think they teach people how to act that badly?  I almost want to give kudos because the actors are so good at proving they can't act, but they're chic in a Tiny Tim sort of way.

These are Vikings in the old days.  Hanging out somewhere in the land of Christians.  Nuns killing people right and left.  Seriously, bad ass nun.

I realize a murderous nun is no shock to many of those who grew up Catholic and attended parochial school.   She's not a Viking, of course.  She's even meaner.  They baptized one Norseman, our low key hero.

He switched from his gods to hers (the heroine not nun) because he was in heat and on her turf.  That part was true to life.

Really, no offense, but isn't converting to a religion to please a spouse sort of nonsense?   You are doing it for one general reason,. And it has nothing to do with suddenly finding God, it's because that's the surest way to round the bases and come sliding in at home.  

I'm not saying I wouldn't convert under proper motivation.  Even though I really dislike a lot of religions; a bigot and a phobe.  I won't argue it one way or another beyond that, just saying yea I'm phobic.

I went off topic.  This movie is perfect if you need noise going on while you doze off.

They used the word Viking to attract viewers, I guess.  No boats, just some wandering around stabbing and uttering dialog written by someone not privy to the movie's plot.

All the good guys get killed anyway.  Conversion did not help that.  But the nun and the chick whose character may have been central to this riveting story (not sure) ride off on some mission to "the Council" shouting "girl power" or some equivalent, so it seems.  yay

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Now This is More Like It

Maybe video will appear, plenty of people were recording us with their phones at the American Legion event.  We were outdoors under a nice big oak on a plywood stage.  Perfect for my cowboy boot flamenco routine.

The whole thing was a pleasant surprise.  Chris has become better and better.  Emily, too.  And I was motivated to ignore my depressing inner dialog mantras for awhile and just see what I could do with the sounds I could add to the mix.

Those who knew me will think of me as a damned harmonica player when I kick.  I only do it because I would fall off the edge if I didn't.  I'd rather be a cutting edge engineer or physicist.  Or some such thing.  A little late.

I have no idea how this works;  Chris and Em are the least experienced of people that I have regularly backed, been part of the band.  Yet, they seem to be the best paying, and in many ways, the most beloved by audiences.   There is an automatic kind of kinship they seem to have with people.

This cool afternoon and evening with the enthusiastic crowd and just the freewheeling nature of this group, I felt like turning out something to help the event hold attention.

But they are heading out in a day.  I think their Texas day jobs are working out well.  They both work for a large contractor.  I think he is doing more hands on superintendent sort of stuff, but not a ton of hours, and she's full time in estimating.  They are still hounding me to move and still scheming feasible plans.

They needn't push.  I plan to visit before the first of the year.  Hopefully I will remain here Christmas.  If I travel I hope for October.  I'll see what's what.  I have some schemes worked out.

Lately I have had more work, mostly fixing the damage and chaos created and left at the place by our esteemed guests.  The resort home at, in, and around which I do various things, but to say I am a handiman or housekeeper or window washer would all be false, and true.   If things remain as is for awhile, I can save enough to replace this car with another Forester of more recent year, and fewer miles.  I narrowly missed one that was really nice and a price I could have paid, but felt it.  Still, way less than I paid the first time.  But that one was nearly new, like this one was.  Now, 272,000 + miles.

I'd probably keep this car as the work car, with tools and mess.  The other would be the road car.  Then one of those lightweight camper trailers which include some comfort but not some other things. I could actually probably hack it.  I am actually keeping an eye out for both the vehicle and the camper.    It fits in to one interesting possibility in Tx.

Then again, I just don't know.  I guess a good idea would be to visit, and see.   Maybe see if I can cope with the heat or not.  I was raised in heat.  Miami.  Geez, they even named the basketball team heat.  What's that tell you?  (that's rhetorical, you needn't respond)

So, I expected the drunk part to screw it all up.  Could have gone either way, but being outside, it worked out.  Also a large contingent of not drunk people were outside.  They liked the music, and they liked avoiding being confined in a building with the perpetually drunk.

The fact that I used to be a drunk person doesn't prevent me from acknowledging the totally obnoxious and annoying nature of most drunks.  There is the variety which is like insistent insanity.  No win.  Win meaning peace. Unmolested personal peace.

I recognized the majority of the non drunk people.  And some on the edge of alcohol doing a real number on them.

So, I have gone to nearly mixing it up with a worthless baby boomer, about my age, one night, to inspired playing with almost millennials and a crowd that could be rowdy without the sort of rude nonsense I witnessed at the Belly up.  Places that run the way that place does rake it in, but they really offer no real customer service, just alcohol and some token food. Maybe good burgers.  Who knows.  No way I wanted to navigate that zoo.

All those people packed standing in the open place in front of the stage.  It is a large area.  The majority of people were packed in that area. All standing.  And pushing against the sitdown people around the edge.  In some universes the fire code would not allow this sort of bulk people packing,    If there had been any sort of fire or panic causing event, requiring evacuation, some people would get hurt.  No doubt.  Creepy baby boomers, I hope.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Never Again

I like Los Lonely Boys, so I went to see them at a local venue that for some reason books a lot of great bands for a night as they travel wherever.  Belly Up Tavern.

Band yes.  That venue, no.  A big mix on age.  The most obnoxious contingent, of course, being drunk baby boomers.  The place is really an insult.

They pack people in, mostly standing and being obnoxious in what would be a dance floor area.  Tall people to the front.  Embarrassing.  

I used to drink, and I guess I forgot about places like that.  They bring in good bands, and have a drunk sort of crowd.  That is life to many.  I almost got in a fight with a guy.  And I was thinking psychotic.  If he had gone for the assault he promised, I had decided how to best disable him, maybe bust ear drums or put out eyes.  I settled for saying keep off of me and f*** off.  He said something else and I said F*** you f***ing moron.  He was a bully.  I know the kind, taller than most, and just big enough to intimidate the uninformed.  But they only push it where resistance is low.  Cowards and creeps.  Baby boomers.  The creepiest generation.  And I had to be born in it.

So the guy eventually disappeared, reappeared, then vanished.  The setup of the venue is one that you can only take advantage of if you know the score.  Wait in line for the doors to open, hoping to get a seat at one of the side semi bleacher sort of seats with bench table.  But chances are the people who bought separate tickets for the happy hour, hours earlier, also had show tickets and scooped up all the tables.  The rest are just serving as shills to bolster the pride in idiocy that characterizes a lot of pop culture, and maybe all culture.

Interestingly the people around us in line were really nice, entertaining people.  They knew more what they were in for and how they liked to approach it.   Really it was a series of unfortunate events that made the event disaster for me.  Not so much for my friend M, but to some extent, that may say it all.  That is good if she had a fine time.  It was mostly payback for helping me do some work at home.

I should be grateful, a year or two ago, I could not have risked being stuck somewhere where I might be triggered for one of the pruritus episodes.  So that part is better.  Been trying to get more exercise.  Work is good for that.   I need to take advantage of the sneaky slippers program offered in my insurance.  Go to the gym on the insurance company because you are a feisty senior.  

I have always hated the age terms.  Even in my 30's I wanted to barf listening to TV news blathering about, "Well, the rain didn't dampen the spirits of these feisty seniors, as they make their way to Montana's Beartooth Pass on skateboards!  Yaz, (name of co-anchor or weather person), it just goes to show age is but a number"

Then co-anchor responds, laughingly, " well, I hope I can just walk when I'm that age.  Already, I'm feeling the aches in my bones, trying to get out of bed in the morning.  My hat's off to these sexy seniors."  Hahaha.  Fun is had by all.  Seriously, I do not have the blueprint of the best alternative, but this cannot be the best way for civilization to evolve.  It just doesn't feel right.

But that is probably the definition of how a depressive or other mental case feels.   But is it a trick because we've evolved from co-anchor banter and good idiotic humor, to panels of self proclaimed experts, mostly spouting the same hysteria and drivel, while screaming over one another, especially the designated devil's advocate or caricature of the opposition.

It is strange how all of it so reminds me of the Dade County public schools, that I attended as a confused and dying youth.   It has not changed.  Schools are the biggest bullies since out of control police.  Maybe worse.  In the name of protecting and preventing bullying, they invariably throw the less malleable, yet not malicious, inmates into the collateral damage gutter and go on.   Not born with extra points for their condition of birth.  And not born with money.  But not destitute enough for the state to take over.  Which does have its advantages.

I have very little to say that would be favorable, even though the actual academics were mostly high quality.  The treatment and pretense was peculiar, and Miami kids had a very large percentage of thugs and jerks.  I wonder of many of the failed on purpose so they'd be bigger than their classmates, facilitating their desire to fight but not get hit.  They could extort lunch money, destroy property of others for no reason, force others to give test answers, etc.

I now go to another drunk venue, the American Legion in Alpine.  The plus side is that we will be outside, it is with Valor and Lace.  Chris and Emily.  Resonator/dobro man is in TX and could not make it back this weekend.  So Chris and Em and Richard all live close in TX now, them permanently, Richard temporarily for close to a year.   So it is outside, haven't seen them for while, and all that.  The sad side is the degree of alcoholism there and the sometimes obnoxious character that assumes.  After last night I guess I will be subdued.  Plus I am playing with a Marine scout sniper.  No one will step too far out of line.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Time Flies and Flutters

  IT  has been an interesting month or so.   Some of it highlights my good fortune, considering my compulsive negligence when it comes to nurturing and maintaining my own life and best interests.  This whole forced medical thing can sometimes be worked to some benefit.

Being old and poor but not destitute is a winner in the medical world, for the moment.  I made just enough that they allowed me to elect insurance which gives choice and I can refer myself to a cancer hack or orthopedic doctor.  Since rare diseases get misdiagnosed by the average nitwit, this setup allowed me to skip the fools and get to decent specialists.   I dodged a bullet there.

It was through my own research and long distance consultation with a friend's brother-in-law/hematologist that we got things narrowed down.  Hard to imagine now that showers had become a very painful ordeal, and high humidity could be torture.  I could not let water splash on me and leave it.   Those were rougher times in many ways.

But I got the stuff done.  Expensive stuff.  Mutation tests and other stuff which I will forego in future.  Colonoscopy and endoscopy can be over rated, and they can create problems which were not there.  I will avoid that in future.

Finally I even got a primary care babe.  I swear, in another life, I would have to be married to her.  In my eyes she is perfect.  If I knew her better, who knows.  Anyway, she's good news.

So, I even willingly accepted antibiotics.  They have it down to a five day thing.  I used to not handle them well at all.  Anyway, there may be a reason why they were invented.

I still wonder if I should just embrace the vagabond life, score one of those mini campers, like the egg shaped ones.  The very back is like an outdoor, covered kitchen, and the inside is mostly bed.  There are different shapes and kinds of lightweight campers out there.

It is a thought.  Sometimes you can get a gig doing part time work at a campground in exchange for free hook up and such.  There are entire websites devoted to the working camper community.  They migrate sometimes.  Sometimes stay for awhile at one spot.

My friend the ex math teacher, marine, resonator player, ex drummer, has a gig like that in Texas.  He has a fifth wheel set up, so his trailer has as much space as my cabin just about.  I have higher ceilings.  I must say, I have become hooked on high ceilings.  Had that in Memphis too.  The resonator is planning to stick with his gig for a year and cone back to SD because of family/grandkids.   Makes sense to me.

Finally broke down and got a 5 x 8 storage space in Alpine.  It is up some stairs but a good place.  Already, just from tools that need sorting, mostly, the floor space is mostly taken.  Some things get stacked.  I plan to organize it all in the next month, getting rid of what does not in any way bring joy.

I finally dumped the last souvenirs from New Zealand.  It is a great country and all that, but in the context of my personal visit and experiences related to the place, but not the fault of the place, there is nothing about it that gives me joy.  So, I donated jacket and other textiles geared toward jingoistic New Zealanders and tourists.   They only brought a dark wish for selective amnesia, and a sense of self loathing.  No joy.  No joy,  then it must go.

Got that from the cute Japanese girl's book about tidying up and her experiences with hopeless people, who must not be that hopeless, because they can afford to hire her.  Anyway she has done well with her hobby and compulsion to clean up.  I have made much progress, even at this late stage of life.  Much of life life has been spent rejecting my true nature, which is not chaotic and self destructive.  Even though it seems so.  That is reactive.  Reactive depression or just reaction.

People only harass or try to criticize others for things that aren't theirs to critique, when they can get away with it.  Hi, I'm your friend, your life sucks, your writing sucks, you should do so much better.  I only say this because I am a friend, and friends don't let friends under achieve.  Really?

That is the rationale of one whose concept of personal boundaries has been bastardized under veil of some altruistic sounding rationalizations.   End result is, the critic wields some kind of power as long as you sit still for it; "You should...blablabla"  Critic dictating down to you.  It is an ego trip.  Worst thing is, such people get furious at your reluctance to be harangued over that which is not anyone else's business.  Unbelievable, but a sign of the times.  Everyone loves excuses which give them license to judge, control, and critique the lives of others.

Like drugs were used to kill the 4th amendment, smoking was perfect for giving people the excuse to exercise power over others.  Certainly there was some element of legitimacy.  You don't smoke in confined areas forcing others to put up with your smoke.   But then it became a thing of fanatics making a big show of coughing and bitching when you were outdoors and downwind of them.

Then public officials start involving themselves in your diet, your obesity, your sugar intake, etc.   Public health costs is the rationale, yet most of those officials are bloated and over indulgent, themselves.  Ridiculous that people go right along.  Any excuse to push into the lives and business of others, while taking money from them at gunpoint.

So, obviously, whatever that school of thought is that says, "it's OK for friends to demean and judge friends in the name of their higher good", is not a school of thought to which I adhere.  Never liked it.  I think it is where politicians, mostly democrats, but repubs, too, as well as public schools, made me sick to my stomach.  They love that soviet style of intrusive propaganda and use of force to make you go along with it.

Work is too weird to describe.  One minute I expect to be fired, the next, I am in demand to solve problems.  The manager almost never listens.  His solutions are the craziest things I have ever heard.  I do my best to present things to him in such a way that he is not encouraged to give a point of view or solution.  I won't try to recall a good example.  It is often some impossible suggestion or is actually what we suggested originally but he nixed it, and now he is suggesting it like it is a new brilliant thought.  OK.

The best thing is that my Texas pals will be back to play a gig in Alpine on Sat.  I am their harp guy, so I will be playing.  They will be trying to figure out how to get me to move to their area in the Austin area.  I hear Austin is not what it was.  It is getting a little obnoxious, as far as the music scene.

But outlying areas in TX are going full guns if you are country, and probably being a badass Marine scout sniper doesn't hurt.

I refuse to give in to whatever "it" is; depression, psychosis, neurosis, fatigue, chronic conundrum, etc.   I do give in but not entirely.  I am not giving up.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A Long Lost Friend, Gone for the Duration

My friend, Pat, from back in when I last lived in Miami kicked the damned bucket.  I only found out because I had an impulse to, once again, see if I could find him from online search.  That search had been futile in the past.

This time the search pulled up his obituary.   It went into very little detail.  At least survivors were listed. It said he died in a particular hospital in GA., but did not give cause or illness.  Nothing.  Very strange.  No idea when they moved to Georgia.

He was a real estate broker turned lawn maintenance entrepreneur in the late 80's, early 90's.  My first full time job after quitting drinking.  One of my favorite of all time.  We did a lot of large condo complexes and such.  He would always vary where we started and such until he hit the optimal plan, often cutting a day, or half a day off the 2 or 3 day job.  It did not seem like it would make a difference, but it did.

I only left that job because I was getting migraines and couldn't handle the sun.  And I kind of felt under-employed when I considered how others must view me.  (One or more girlfriends looked down on it, I could tell--always ignore snobby chicks or status fools) In reality I thoroughly enjoyed the hard work, being in shape, and Pat's ever present humor and wisdom.  The kindness and friendship he showed were big influences on my life at that time.

It never ceases to amaze me how slow I am to catch on to things with people.  Anyway, you would have had to be there to see how he ran things differently from any lawn operation I'd seen.  We were like the Florida A & M Rattlers band and the competition was like a normal high school marching band.

I had no idea running a weed eater could be such an art, and that you could literally run with it once you became good.  I had no idea of any of it.  I thought I was in fair shape the first day.  I was addressing some kind of block long hedge in a sidewalk.  Either I was to use the weed whacker to shape the hedge or to edge, or both--don't recall.  I remember him laughing at my first efforts, showing me how you do it.  How he discovered this is beyond me.  I was heavily winded all day.  Soon, I was an ace, not winded, but always drenched in sweat. Miami.

He got out of the real estate brokering for a developer gig because he'd burned out, and likely alcohol didn't help.  He enjoyed the lawn business, especially getting commercial accounts.  And in Miami he said it was like shooting fish in a barrel.  I never tried that but I hear it is easy.

I remember him saying, as we were hanging out at place where you achieve and maintain sobriety, if you can, "You know anyone looking for a job?".  I said I was.  He couldn't believe I would do such work.  He had no idea how lost and frazzled I was, I guess.  Anyway, he really did like my contribution to the success of his company.

I'm sure he had little idea how much I admired him.  I do think his wife considered anyone from the getting sober world a bit below her.  She also seemed to think the landscape biz was below her too.  I get it.  Especially in Miami I always felt that kind of attitude; ridiculing and status bullying.   But Pat seemed to love it.  In the few cases where we did residences, Pat spent more time with his ubiquituous cup of coffee and cigarette, schmoozing the owners, than he did working.  But our job was to make him and his business look good.  It turns out most of the residential clients had bought their houses from him.

As much as I try to pretend I would never be ashamed of honest work, I often felt I was hitting rock bottom and was somehow sabotaging myself into humiliation of under employment, and blablabla.  Nonsense though it is, I used that to torture my mind I guess.  Pat was a good lesson.  He had a nice house, boat, family, cold though his wife seemed, stability.  Never have I had that for any length of time.  He was only a few years older than I am.   Maybe lung cancer, or melanoma from the Miami sun, got him.

Another of those amazing teachers in life, gone.  I lost contact long ago, and tried now and then to reconnect.  Of course, it has often been tough for others to find me.  Odd, since I am all over the danged interweaving.

You had it more together than I realized.  It has taken me a lifetime to even begin to get what is really important.   Thank you, friend, for all of it.   You were the real deal.

dear joel, re-read, there will be a reading comprehension test---fail it again and you'll have to repeat a grade

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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