I'd Give A Lot

Right now I would sign over half of what I own to anyone who could straighten out this mess and get me up to date in the world of officialdom.  The place would have to be really good and squeaky clean, streamlined and organized.
By it would be a very good pay day.
Any takers?  I may tend to negotiate down but we are talking some good money.  Like taking cigarette butts from a junkie.  Or something.  Hey, I don't smoke.  Still.  That is helpful, but no guarantee I won't kick the bucket before I get all straight and right.  So, I am betting God wants you to fix this mess and help me not implode for a final time.
lots of love )LOL
 Thanks.